Sagar squinted at the shimmering blue ocean – this was the most saturated shade of aqua she had ever seen, in real life. She always thought that computer desktop wallpapers were tweaked to be as vivid as they are, but here it was, before her very eyes – as vivid as a real ocean can be, with no help from photo-editing tools.

Her friend Ann was setting down her beach blanket at a prime spot on the sand, facing the ocean straight on but at a safe distance from the waves, carefully arranging her bottle of fruit juice, and propping her hat at the right angle. The sand was also an astonishing shade of white, powdery and soft.

“Aren’t you going to dip your toes in at least?”

Ann shrugged. “Maybe in some time. I am set for now. I want to sit awhile after that boat ride.”

They had come aboard a boat filled with other tourists like them, one of those services that runs multiple times a day, to and from the mainland. The guy piloting the boat seemed like the only way he enjoyed his job was by going as fast as he could, regardless of the tides or how high the waves crashed around. Some of the older ladies had been nervously clutching onto any handles they could reach. Dads and moms held onto to their excitable kids lest they stumbled or jumped too close to the edge. There wasn’t any safety rig to speak of, except the fact that everyone on board was given a life jacket. Perhaps this encouraged the guy to go wild at the wheel – people can fall out sure, but won’t drown. The only other staff member was a tall dude with long hair up to his biceps. He was giving them instructions (like, “Keep wearing the life jacket while you are on board this boat.”) and details about how long they would spend at the first island before they would need to regroup and head to the next one – where one of the James Bond films had been shot. He also casually mentioned they could go snorkeling while at the islands, a promising site to see all sorts of marine life, and whoever was interested could pick up snorkels from him before getting down. Sagar noticed a pair of guys dressed in diving suits, sitting on the last seats – the ones where the dancing boat jumped the wildest. She nudged Ann, “I’m sure these guys will snorkel. They look like they know what they are about.”

When they had arrived, to her surprise, almost every tourist exiting the boat took a snorkel from the long-haired dude. I guess everyone does it here then! She made sure she picked one up too.

Now with snorkel in her hand, she teased her toes at the edge of the water. It was a really hot day, in the tropical waters of the Indian Ocean, but the water was surprisingly cool. It must take a lot to get you hot and bothered. Sagar smiled at the ocean. She always felt at home near bodies of water. She would sit quietly on city seafront promenades, or talk to herself while skipping pebbles along a cold lake. Or talk to the water itself; it felt like a friend.

This time it was different. For the first time when facing a huge waterworld, Sagar knew how to swim. She felt it in her bones. A confidence which she had not had, but also not realized she was missing. Seas and oceans never intimidated her, although swimming pools often did – because she didn’t know how to swim. It was a personality quirk that often came up when meeting new people or on dates. As the cold, wet sand settled under her feet like a cool carpet, Sagar thought back to the last time it had happened. How could she ever forget. Being with Sahil was exactly like the relationship she had with water – a strange comfort, an instant affection, yet the inability to navigate, to even stay afloat. With Sahil, Sagar learnt too late that the comforting waves were drowning her.

The very first time, when they met at a party and could not stop talking to each other, Sagar was complaining about living in a landlocked city. “I just hate it! It feels so limiting. I think I’m a real water baby.”

“So you are really living up to your name,” Sahil said with a chuckle. “Sagarika – the ocean!”

“Well technically, it means ‘one born in the ocean’. My father named me. He was a Navy man.”

“It all adds up then. Except the part where you seem to prefer being called ‘Sagar’ – the masculine form of the name, the ocean itself?” Sahil raised an eyebrow in mock judgement; he knew Sagar could not look away from his green eyes.

“I guess I have let the ocean claim me.” She said with a wink. “Besides, everyone finds it easier when it’s shorter.”

Amidst all the frolicking people, a young couple was busy taking photos; the man kept directing the woman in different poses. After every round, she would rush over to check them and fussed about something or the other. Another couple was running into the waves hand in hand with their snorkels on.

After a few months of being together, Sahil had once asked her to join him scuba diving. She loved that he always went after his ideas and plans instead of spending too long being cautious and hesitating – like she would. There was a thrill to being with him; she could never predict his next moves. And she liked who she was with him – saying yes more, experimenting more, being less risk-averse.

She had to decline the scuba diving suggestion though; it was way out of her league. “I don’t even know how to swim, Sahil. It is much too risky. Let’s plan something else?”

“Wait, you don’t know how to swim?”

Sagar shook her head.

“You said, – in our first conversation – you said you are a water baby!”

“Yeah I am, I love water bodies. But I can’t swim.” She started to feel a familiar unease in her stomach. She did not want this wonderful, adventurous, worldly man to think less of her.

“Your father was in the Navy! And you grew up in coastal cities! And you’re literally named Sagarika!” It was taking him a while to wrap his head around it.

“It’s because of my mum. She is very afraid of water – seas, rivers, lakes… Very very afraid. So she never let me learn to swim. My dad tried to get me to the local pool with the other kids but when he went sailing on his next posting, mum immediately took me out of the class.”

Sahil reached for her hand.

“So yeah, I can’t swim but it has never stopped me from touching all the seas and oceans I have ever visited!”

Sahil wrapped both his hands around hers, like an oyster shell.

“Ok that’s very nice. But you can learn to swim now. If you love being in water so much, just do it. The same sea you just touched the tip of, you will feel it differently, trust me. So many more experiences will open up for you.”

Sagar looked at him, feeling very unsure of herself.

“Look, your mum can’t stop you now. Don’t hold yourself back.”

If he had not nudged her, she would not have taken swimming lessons. He sent her a list of swimming pools near her place, put the phone in her hand, and didn’t let her get up until she called them and enrolled.

Learning to breathe underwater as she swam the length and breadth of the pool was the single most defining moment for her. Understanding the rhythm to fall into – swivel arms, head up, quick deep inhale, head down, hold your breath, look straight ahead, legs being the metronome with their regularly-timed kicks, arm swivel, head up again, quick deep inhale… Practising this until her whole body grasped the dance such that she was never rushing too fast to rise up and inhale, or taking too long to come up, straining her lungs, this precise tempo was key – sink or swim.

While grabbing the snorkel from the boat dude, Sagar had made sure to ask for instructions. The boat dude kept it really simple. “Put this on, it should cover your eyes and nose like this,” he was demonstrating without actually putting it on, “and then put this end in your mouth, keep your mouth closed and you will breathe through the other end. This should stay above the water, so you can breathe through it, see.”

Sagar let her body slowly enter the cool waters. She had learned over her many swimming classes that you need to just get all in, the you stop feeling cold. She squatted into shallow waters and splashed it over her arms and shoulders, then wet her neck. Then she waded in further and quickly dunked her head in and out. The initiation was complete. The shimmering waves were not alarming her skin anymore.

“Ann! Come here, the water is so fresh!”

“In a bit… I don’t want to get completely wet honestly.” Ann wasn’t a swimmer herself.

She tried on the snorkel. The tube felt weird in her mouth. I hope they sterilize these between uses! She thought worriedly, then decided not to think about it. Ok, focus on the experience. She truly felt different in her body with the knowledge that she could now actually swim out. Slowly re-entering the water, she crouched along until it was chest-high. In a controlled motion, she lowered her head into the water, keeping the free end of the tube straight up. She bit down harder as the water surrounded her face. To her absolute amazement, there were sunny yellow and red fish swimming near her, just beneath the surface of the water. She glided through them… Little fish, like slices of sunshine – they were all around her! She came up and pried the snorkel off.

“Ann! It’s beautiful here – I can see so many fish!”

“Really?”

“Yea, they are just underneath the surface too, I didn’t even realize it while standing here!”

“Ok, look further and tell me!” Ann chuckled.

Sagar put the snorkel on again, adjusting the band around her nose. She had found it strange to breathe through it, this was different to breathing while swimming. I have to keep my nose shut and breathe through my mouth the whole time? Quite the opposite.

She turned a little to her right and tried the same exercise again, slowly entering the shallow waters and lowering her head, getting used to breathing in short stints and then coming back up. This side has even more fish! She was getting the hang of the snorkel now. She went in again, and a new school of fish greeted her. Her body had adjusted to this new rhythm. She swam in further, gently kicking her legs and swiveling her arms, keeping her body level with the surface. As she went ahead, she felt like she had entered some sort of magical realm. The sunlight reached below the surface to light up the water’s depths like a natural disco light, and in that glowing water, a rainbow of creatures, calmly swimming all around her. The familiar feeling of water on her body always relaxed her like nothing else. Her eyes wide open, she turned this way and that to see as much as she could. Her swimmer’s body really took to this, she settled her limbs into a rhythm, and felt very reassured that she had pushed past her hesitation and learnt to do this. Although he had thought deeply of Sahil today, she felt confident in her body as she swam away from the shoreline. She used to find it serendipitous that his name was Sahil – literally, the ‘shore’. She used to think it as one more piece pulling them together, of course Sagarika had to be drawn towards a Sahil. But once she realized his aggressive impulsiveness ruled all his decisions, she started to feel smothered; her anxiety taking over her as she found she could not rely on him.

She was determined not to make the same mistake as her mother, not to continue to be with someone when you know your lives are incompatible. Her entire life, her mother had been miserable – their homes in humid coastal cities, living in naval communities where life and norms revolved around the sea, her husband gone for months at stretch every time he went sailing on a ship, at the hands of her biggest fear, sailing in the big bad open ocean.

Thanks for getting me to learn to swim away from you, Sahil. The world has so many wonders in all directions. I am free now, to trust in myself. Sagar felt like she could do this all day. She was in awe of this magical realm where she floated deeper and deeper.

Which direction am I going in? Sideways, or – I don’t know if I’m getting to far from the boat and Ann. She lowered her legs to stand up so she could check, but her legs found no footing. Oh no, have I gone deeper? She tried to kick around to feel for ground. In an instant, water entered her snorkel tube, and came straight down her throat. Water! Breathe! She gasped in alarm, only drawing in more water. Her nose was pinched tight behind the mask. She was flailing, her body had forgotten all instructions, all the swimming lessons. She knew one way to breathe while swimming and now she could not do it with the mask on. Still kicking in all directions, she tried to pry the snorkel off her head but it wouldn’t budge. Help! She body was straining breathlessly. She needed to call for help. She took a deep gasp, her lungs aching with deathly heaviness she had never known. She reached into all corners of her body and with all the strength she could gather, she attempted to scream, “HELP!” She saw her mother’s worried face, “Don’t go, don’t go in the water, Sagar!” Am I going to die here? I still have so much to do! This is not the way I want to go! She saw her father, in his uniform – the visuals blurred into her mind quickly – mother hugging her, Ann and her in school together, her friends, Sahil… She could feel the water pulling her in, and as a last attempt, tried to stick her arm out to wave for help. The ocean is claiming me…

The visuals stopped and she stopped thinking. She felt arms grabbing onto her waist and pulling her. Her body was giving in to the pull of the ocean. Another pair of arms came in and strongly held on, and pushed her above the water. Out of a corner of her eye, she saw the arms covered in diving suits, yanking the snorkel off her face and pulling her back towards the sand.