An excerpt from current WIP novel, “Confessions of a Church Girl”

My phone buzzed to a message alert from Kristina, which read: Lane, I’d like to talk to you if you’re available. I have some exciting news!

If I was being honest, I wasn’t in the mood for another video chat; I’d been far too exhausted all day long to have any kind of conversation either with Kristina or with Mom and Dad.

But then again, they’d find it a little weird that I chose to ignore what Kristina had to say. For her, it’s always something “exciting.” Like her engagement with Robert, which is now a broken one, as far as I could tell. All because of me. That’s rather unfortunate.

Kristina squealed with joy when she saw me and announced the news of her biggest career break—a promotion from paralegal to senior level. This was, indeed, exciting news. From the time since she completed her degree at Columbia Law, I knew this was something she’d been working so hard toward building for herself. It was a part of her life’s goals, and she achieved at least one thing in it—making it as a senior paralegal. I saw her as a leader, and I wasn’t surprised that she had what it took to take leadership in an industry like this that’s often male-dominated. More like white male-dominated. She wasn’t one-hundred percent “white”, but she certainly passed off as it, due to her lighter skin tone than mine. She certainly had what it takes to succeed in the world of corporate law.

Well done, Krissy. You’ve managed to make me feel even more like a younger sister hiding in your shadows again.

She had tears of joy in her eyes, breaking this news to me, so I knew what an important professional milestone it was for her. “Congrats, sis.” I did my best to sound as encouraging and supportive as possible. “Really, I’m happy for you. This sounds like it’s worth a celebration.”

“You have no idea, Lanie.” She nodded. “And you’re right, it’s worth celebrating. Mom and Dad are thinking about having this announced in church on Sunday—that is, if you’re willing to make it. If not, that’s okay; I totally understand, what with the COVID restrictions over there. You can just join the services through Zoom like you’ve always been doing.” She sighed. “Though it would be nice to have you be with us in-person for once. I feel like we rarely got to spend any quality time together this past summer. What do you think?” She gave me a hopeful smile.

I sighed, feeling a little bad on the inside. She’s right; I’d been avoiding her, Mom and Dad all summer. I needed to make it up to them somehow, but I didn’t know if it was such a good idea.

Before I answered, she said, “To clarify, I’m talking about you and me. We didn’t get much sister-to-sister time together this summer. I suppose Gemma’s your new sister now, huh?” She added with a chuckle.

I smiled. “You will always be my sister, Krissy.”

“I know; I was just being playful. I know you two have your own lives outside of home, and you’re both hard-working and responsible. I’d just love to see more of you, if it’s possible. I know the academic schedule at Boston U can be a little hectic, especially now with the pandemic, but still…” She sighed. “Do you think there’s a way for you to come by this weekend for a celebratory dinner at home? We’d love to have you there.”

I didn’t know how to answer that, and I couldn’t say no, as if there’s nothing I could do about it. For now, I wanted to give them the impression that I might be able to make it. Plans always changed last-minute, so I’d let them know that something had unexpectedly come up and I wouldn’t make it home after all. It’s a win-win.

“Yeah, I’ll be there, Krissy. I’ll message you when I’m getting ready to leave.”

“Awesome.” Her face lit up like a bright Christmas tree. “I’d love to have my little sister there with me to celebrate the most important milestone of my life—a promotion.”

This made me instantly regret my distance from the family this past summer. I hoped to make it up to her somehow. I needed to tell her the truth, no matter how hard it was.

She mentioned that our aunts—Mom’s sisters—would fly to the States from London this week in time for the celebratory dinner on Saturday. It hit me that it’d been years since Kristina and I saw them last; I was 13 at the time, and Kristina 19 and heading off to Columbia for the first time. Ten years gone by so fast. All the more reason for me to be there. All of us women would outnumber Dad, as the only man.

“I’ll be there for you, Krissy,” I reassured her.

“I know you will, Lane. It won’t be very long. Even if you can’t stay for long, you can just pack some food to go.”

She made a great point. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Great! Anyway, I have to get going now—”

“Oh, wait!” It crossed my mind to ask her something important—very important. “Sorry.”

“No, what is it?” She glanced at me.

“I… Just wanted to know about Robert.” My cheeks felt a little hot. “Sorry to bring it up so unexpectedly. I hadn’t been around much at home to see how you’ve been dealing with the break-up and the end of the engagement. Have you heard from him lately, like on social media?” I knew he’d eventually returned the ring at some point, after breaking up with her. Also, there’s no chance in hell he’d ever been in touch with her; he’d been so busy trying to build a new life with me as my baby’s father.

“No, it’s… Okay.” She chuckled, though there was an expression of doubt on her face, as if she’s wondering if she should talk about this at all. “Thanks for checking in on me about that. I know you’ve been busy with your academics and internship at the Times. He blocked me on social media, remember? So, there’s no way for me to get in touch with him and seek some answers. Though I occasionally get in touch with his sisters, including Birgitte. They’ve been so great to me, and we sometimes make plans to hang out. We don’t talk about Robert at all. They’re a little suspicious that he’d just end things with me like that, but they don’t let it consume their thoughts. What matters to them is that I maintain my connection with them. They’ll always be my circle of sisters.”

I loved how highly she spoke of the Petersen sisters. They’re her support system during this rough time—all because of me.

“Angela is there for me, too,” she continued. “She helps me come up with a way to explain to people who know us best that things couldn’t work out between Robert and me without giving away too much. You know how ‘nosy’ people can be, especially those from the church. Right?” she added with a chuckle, and I nodded in agreement.

“Right. Agreed.”

“Anyway, I’m using this time to just focus on myself and trust God’s plans for me.” She smiled. “I know this is His way of saying that I don’t need to be so desperate to have a man by my side, and things in life work out for a reason. I’m positive that in another lifetime, Robert and I would’ve made things work and we’d be married with children, living either here in the city or in New Jersey… Anywhere, really. I trust that God knows what He’s doing, so I don’t wanna seem like the desperate, bitter ex trying to pursue something futile by forcing answers out of Robert. In my heart, I know that God has something more important for him, too… Even if it doesn’t include me.” She shrugged poignantly. “Oh, well. I guess that’s that.”

My heart ached for her, for the pain Robert had put her through. It was inspiring to see her move on with herself after the break-up, but I knew it still stung a little. Robert was her first real boyfriend she’d ever been serious about as an adult. What he had with me could never compare with what he could’ve had with Krissy.

Could’ve. Would’ve. Should’ve. All the what-ifs.

“Don’t give up hope,” I said softly. “I’ll always have faith in you and Robert, no matter what else happens. He’ll always be someone special to you.”

She sighed longingly. “I hope he someday understands that. My door will always be open for him, should he ever decide to give us a second chance. I’d be open to that but only if that’s what he really wants. If not, then at least I’ll know exactly where I stand with us and the future we could’ve had together.”

This made me all the more determined to remind Robert of what he’d missed out on with Kristina. A sudden decision for this baby’s fate crossed my mind—I needed to start looking into some adoption agencies to give this child away to. I couldn’t bear to be the one raising it with Robert; it wouldn’t be right. He and Kristina deserved each other again.

“Hey, Lane, you look so lost in thought. Are you okay there?” She gave me a small smile, and it hit me that I’d been so lost in thought about my future with Robert and the baby.

I blushed, clearing my throat. “Oh, wow… So sorry about that, Krissy. I just realized I have a couple of homework assignments to review. I need to be sure that my schedule for the semester is up-to-date and I’m taking the courses I’m supposed to be enrolled in.”

“No worries.” She chuckled. “This just makes me so nostalgic for college life back in Columbia. It’s important to stay on top of your academics, so I don’t blame you for having stuff you need to get back to. I won’t hold you up forever.”

“No, this was great. Really.” I nodded. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy over the summer.”

“No need to apologize, sis. Life does that to us sometimes. Even if you can’t make it at all this weekend, I’d totally understand. Just let me know whether you’ll be able to make it or not. It would be nice to hear from you for once.”

“I will, Krissy. Take care of yourself and have a great night. Love you.”

“Love you too, sis, and have a great night yourself.”

And just like that, our chat was over. I’d learned so much about how she’d been taking care of herself post-engagement.