Alice flattened her hands against her hips and took a deep breath. She smoothed the wrinkles out of her apron, pulled her notepad and pen out of her pocket, and pushed the door open. The staff area had been quiet but as soon as she was on the restaurant floor she could hear everyone’s conversations overlapping. She did her best to ignore the noise and stepped up to the bar.

“Hi Alice, table 4 are waiting for you,” Margie said with a sunny smile. Margie was the hostess tonight; she’d been on shift for 4 hours already and greeting guests with that same smile the whole while. Alice’s shift had only just started, and she couldn’t even match Margie’s energy. She wished she could have that much energy, it was something Alice looked up to her for. Metaphorically, at least. Anyone that spent 5 minutes remotely near Margie came away with the idea that she was condensed because she was large in every way – except stature. Large hair. Fat. Large personality. 5’2”. Alice really did envy her confidence.

“Table 4,” Alice said with a nod. “Got it.”

“You got this, Alice!” Margie cheered. Alice did not feel like she ‘got this’.

Table 4 was a first date; Alice could tell as she walked up. Both parties at the table looked a little flustered and fidgety. Nervous hands, feet, laughs. “Hi ladies,” Alice said, tapping her pen against her thigh as she tried in vain to emulate Margie’s energy. “Are we ready to order or would you just like some drinks?”

Both of the young women jumped as Alice spoke. The table wobbled and the sharp scent of pepper filled Alice’s nose, making her want to sneeze. Her nose twitched as she tried to hold it back.

“Sorry,” said one of the women, the one in a floral blouse with her long hair immaculately curled. She rushed to sweep the pepper up with her hand, in the process she knocked the salt over. Bad omen. “Oh god, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Alice tried to say but instead she found herself sneezing louder than her father. She clutched her notepad to her face. The other woman, the one in a men’s dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, laughed. She grabbed a napkin off the table and offered it to Alice. With the pepper no longer assaulting her nostrils she could smell that this woman was wearing a men’s scent – something with cardamom and lavender.

“Gesundheit,” she said. Alice looked up as she took the napkin and the room went quiet. All she could see was the gorgeous woman before her. Her hair was brown, streaked with premature grey. Oh, salt and pepper. That’s funny. It was shaved short on the sides, but floppy on the top. Her eyes were brown too, but in the lowlight of the restaurant they looked gold.

“I’m so sorry,” the other woman said again. The noise of the restaurant collapsed in on Alice like a tent. The smell of alcohol and food drowned out the cardamom and lavender. She found herself blushing as she broke eye contact with the butch in front of her.

“No, it’s my fault,” Alice said, taking over clean up after dabbing her nose dry. “I should’ve announced myself a little sooner.” With salt and pepper tucked into the palm of her hand, Alice gathered her notepad and pen. “Let me start over: Hi, I’m Alice and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I get anything started for you?”

“Alice, that’s a nice name. Suits you,” the butch said. She leant forwards on her elbows with a smile on her face. Her date was glaring at her. “I’ll take a coke, designated driver.” She jiggled her right leg and Alice heard keys jingling.

“I’ll have a white wine please,” said the date. “Could we also get the sharing platter for two?”

“Of course.” Alice scrawled their orders on her notepad. “I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

Margie was at the bar, positively quivering with excitement, when Alice returned. Her eyes were wide, almost manic. “Did I just see you flirting?” Wonder making her words sparkle.

Alice found herself blushing again. She hated blushing – it made her freckles stand out too much. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, so you were being flirted with then!” Margie was teasing now – her curls bouncing with her giddiness.

“They’re on a date, Margie!”

“Doesn’t look like it’s going well.” Alice turned back to table 4 as she brushed the salt and pepper off her hand and leant against the bar – sticky from years of spilt drinks. Margie was right. The butch was barely engaging with her date.

That didn’t mean Alice wanted to be messy! “I’m not flirting with someone who’s on a date!” Alice insisted as she punched the order in to the till. She refused to look at the table until the drinks were ready. When they were, she balanced both on a tray – just as sticky as the bar – and made her way over.

“Do you even like me?” The date asked as Alice came into earshot. “You’ve only had eyes for that goddamned waitress since we got here!”

“Of course I like you,” the butch replied, with a smile. “This date was my idea.”

“Well, if you like me then-“

“Here’s those drinks!” Alice interrupted, resting her tray on the edge of the table. She lifted the wine off first and then the coke. Tucking her tray under her arm, she gave them both her best customer service smile. “Are we ready to order yet?”

“Yes,” said the date.

“No,” said the butch. They glared at each other. “We’ll need another couple minutes on that, Alice.”

“Okay, I’ll be back again when your starter is ready,” Alice said, flashing her smile again before walking away.

“I cannot believe you!” The date snapped. Alice walked faster.

Back at the bar again, Margie wasn’t nearby. She was probably off greeting some guests. Alice checked on their sharing platter and then looked at the other tables in her section to see if anyone had been seated there. Margie was seating a family of four in one of the other sections, seeming to purposefully leave Alice’s section open. That was a little unprofessional of her. She hoped the other wait staff wouldn’t blame her for that.

As she had promised, her next return to the table had her carrying the sharing platter and this time it was to stoney silence. Both women were looking away from each other. The one in the floral blouse had one hand on her wine glass whilst the butch had her arms crossed. “Here’s that sharing platter,” she said, stating the obvious a little maybe but what else was she to do? It was so awkward. “Can I get you anything else?”

“Yes, actually, Alice,” the butch said, tilting her head forwards so that her floppy hair fell over her eyes. Alice had the urge to brush that hair aside so she could see those pretty eyes again. “But before I decide, what would you recommend?” She looked up at Alice with a smile and her eyes flashed gold. Alice found herself blushing. Again.

“Ah, well,” Alice said, trying to remember if there was a special today or not. “The house special today is… steak. Our chef makes the best steak this side of the county.”

“With a recommendation like that, I’ll have to take the steak!” She slapped a hand down on her thigh and Alice heard those keys jingle again.

“Alright,” Alice said, smiling despite her blush as she wrote that down.

“I’ll have the scampi,” the date said, and Alice startled so hard she dropped her pen. She had to stop forgetting that she was serving a couple. Two people. Who were on a date. Together. There was the gorgeous butch and her date. And her ugly floral blouse.

“Oops,” Alice said, bending to pick her pen up but the butch beat her to it.

“Allow me,” she said, holding the pen out to her.

“Sorry – I mean thank you!” Alice was so flustered that she didn’t even know what she was saying. She took the offered pen and it felt like a bouquet of flowers. She had to be glowing at this point she was blushing so hard. “Urm, right, yes. Scampi. I’ll go get that started for you.”

“Don’t bother,” the date said, pushing herself away from the table. She downed the last of her wine in one go, grabbed a hand full of mozzarella sticks and shoving the rest of the food across the table. Several of the other guests glanced in their direction – Alice felt their eyes on her. “Just get Teddy the bill. I’m leaving.”

“Amber, wait-“

“Shut up, Teddy. This date has been the worst of my life. I will not sit here and watch you flirt with someone else! I’m calling a taxi and leaving.” Amber stomped off, her heels clicking on the tile floor. Alice and Teddy watched her go in silence. Both of them let out an involuntary snort as Amber’s heel caught between two tiles and she wobbled.

After a moment, Teddy broke the silence. “I guess I will take that bill.” Alice nodded and shuffled off. She didn’t want to face Teddy again after that disaster, so she made Margie take the bill out. When Margie came back there was a skip in her step and her cheeks must have hurt from how hard she was grinning.

“This,” she said with the air of someone handing out an award. “Is for you.” She handed over a napkin. A napkin with a number scrawled across it. And under that number was a message:

Thanks for making a bad date the best day of my life. I’d love to see you one up it

– Theodora xx